In Honor of My Wife

In Celebration of our 30th Anniversary

I freely and humbly acknowledge at the beginning of this tribute to my darling wife, that any and all statements presented as facts are subject to change if Suzanne reads this and says, “that’s not when that happened,” or “this is not when that happened,” or “we weren’t here, we were there when that happened.” She is far superior to me in many ways, especially when it comes to historical accuracy and dates of our lives. 

Today, my wife Suzanne and I celebrate our 30th anniversary. I’m not highly ranked as a husband when it comes to whisking my wife away to exotic places, or much better on planning ordinary vacations. Suzanne grew up traveling a great deal, and I know she’s had to patiently endure this shortcoming of mine. But I wanted to honor her today in a way that I could, through the written word. That’s not to say this makes up for not taking her to Hawaii or Paris, but I did want to at least express my love, admiration, and appreciation for her. 

I first met Suzanne when she was my sister’s sorority sister at the University of Georgia. I was attending seminary in Atlanta and was dating someone else at the time of our first meeting. We met briefly one day when my sister was picking up my car to borrow for a trip, and I don’t think Suzanne and I paid much attention to each other at the time… or thought of each other afterward.

Fast forward a couple of years later and I saw Suzanne again as part of my sister’s bridal party, in which the same person I was dating the first time I met Suzanne, was also a bridesmaid. I will never forget sitting at the reception table, with my date to my left and Suzanne sitting directly across from me. In the blink of an eye, (and what must have seemed like an eternity to her), Suzanne managed to accidentally spill her entire salad into her lap. Her eyes became as big as saucers. And miraculously, I was the only one at the table who saw this happen and couldn’t help but laugh my head off. She started laughing as well and excused herself, and very secretly and strategically made her way to the ladies’ room to dispose of the evidence and to clean herself up. You don’t see something like that without it leaving mark in your mind.

About a year or two later we were both single. I was serving my first church near Vero Beach, Florida while Suzanne was attending graduate school at the University of Virginia. Suzanne had stopped by to visit my sister and her husband on her way to Virginia. After their visit, my sister promptly proceeded to write me and tell me I should write Suzanne a letter of encouragement because she was rooming with three young women who had vastly different values than Suzanne on virtually everything under the sun and Suzanne needed a boost of encouragement. I was serving a church where the youngest member of my congregation was about 15 or 20 years older than my mom and dad, so it was not as though I had a busy social life. Therefore, I wrote to her. And she wrote back to me. For you youngsters out there, this was before cell phones, texting, email, and social media and everything else you’ve never known life without.

Suzanne let me know she was going to be driving home on a school break to visit her parents who were living in Fort Lauderdale at the time. She asked if I’d like to visit her while she was there, since Vero Beach was not too far away. I quickly agreed and we had our first date, (which I still declare I did not know was a date). This has remained a point of contention throughout our marriage. I thought I was just visiting a friend of my sister’s. Suzanne insists that it would have been next to impossible for me not to know it was a date. Perhaps I’m just a bit denser than the average male. Regardless of my social and relational miscue, Suzanne readily admits she believed it was a date. On that note, I will leave it to you, gentle reader, to ask Suzanne yourself how many times she made sure a particular song on her CD would be playing when I walked through her family’s front door for the first time.

I do remember that we did some sightseeing in Fort Lauderdale, took a boat tour of the canals, and had a great time together. I was very comfortable around her mother and father (again, because I didn’t feel like I was on a date in which I had to please and impress them!!). Probably a blessing in disguise. Well, things went very well. Our letter writing became phone calls. And we quickly realized we cared for one another.

On one of my vacations, I made my way up to Charlottesville to visit her and her extended side of her family, along with some of her longtime friends. When she was able, she would make her way to down to Florida. I had moved to Jacksonville since the time of our first visit. (She would get an internship in Jacksonville her final semester of school.) It was about a span of six months from our first “date/non-date” to the time that I proposed. We kept this fact away from our children as long as we possibly could. I mean, who in their right mind proposes to someone they’ve known for only six months or less. No sane person, that’s for sure. And yet I did. I drove to Fort Lauderdale from Jacksonville to plead my case to her parents and ask for their blessing to marry their wonderful daughter. Her mother had a comforting smile on her face the whole time, so I felt I was safe with her decision on the matter. But her father made me work a little harder for it. Probably inside he agreed with my earlier assessment, that we had both lost our minds temporarily. I won’t walk you through the next 31 years, but the short version is, her father said “yes.” And so did Suzanne!

And so here we are, celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. I’m so grateful God brought Suzanne into my life. I’m so grateful and humbled he gave me someone so different from myself in so many ways. We don’t use this word anymore, but Suzanne is spunky, spontaneous, hilarious, sweet, compassionate, empathetic, stands up for herself and her loved ones, highly intelligent, beautiful beyond words, loves Christ dearly, and as I’ve already said, constantly makes me laugh. I do not imagine I’ve covered most of the things I should say to truly honor her, but I am blessed beyond my vocabulary and imagination to be her husband.

You obviously learn a lot about someone when you are married for 30 years. And often, you begin to realize you have become a lot more like the person you married, and they have become more like you. That has been true for us. And yet, there are places where we remain differently wired (thank the Lord). Suzanne is often my conscience. She is often the one who tells me I should probably reflect a bit longer on an answer I want to give someone. That has probably kept me employed and out of trouble more times than I can count. We love the same movies and the same music, for the most part. We have the same interests and opinions on many (not all) areas of life.

We began our marriage, mostly on the same page regarding what we believe, the values we hold dear, and those have become more aligned over the years. It’s not only helpful to be on the same page about the important things of life, but also a blessing. And not just about the big things but the small things as well. I hope our children will remember any grand gestures we made as parents, but much more importantly, I hope they will remember the multitude of loving and sacrificial gestures that their mother made for them - day in and day out - when it was noticed, and when it wasn’t.  The latter aren’t things you put on social media to let everyone know you did (nor should they be). But a lifetime of being on the receiving end of those loving gestures creates a character. It creates a value system. It creates habitual patterns. Our greatest desire as parents was/is to cultivate godliness in our children and a genuine, heartfelt desire for them to love God with all their being. We wanted them to love God in a way that would lead them to serve him in every sphere of their lives. If that goal is even remotely close to being realized, it will be in large measure because of Suzanne’s unimpeachable integrity and consistency as a wife and mother. 

And on the topic of our children - we have four beautiful children whom we love and cherish more than life itself. Yet, we worked very intentionally and hard to not have a child-centered home that would result in the two of us putting one another on the relational back-burner of life while we raised our children. We have fallen short of that goal our fair share of times throughout our marriage and parenting, but we always tried to put one another first. That was much harder when the children were younger because they craved and needed time with us. But still, Suzanne and I always tried to spend time with each other first before we tended to our children and their needs. Our philosophy was/is that our children would be healthier in a variety of ways if we pursued and protected a healthy marriage. Of course, if this were an autobiography I might share that we are imperfect, and therefore, have had our share of failures, intense arguments, silly arguments, (usually because of my pride), etc. But that’s marriage. That’s a covenantal Christian relationship.

At the risk of sounding like 1,000 clichés, love is more than a feeling. It’s an act of the will; it’s an intentional decision; it requires intentional action every day.  I am grateful that Suzanne has loved me in that way. And I am grateful I have attempted to love her in the same way. I am certain there are times in which Suzanne has probably wanted to dropkick me across the front yard. Clearly, I would have deserved it.  But she has refrained.

But here’s what I know for sure: I have a wife who did not leave my side for the four or five days I was in the hospital two months ago. She advocated for me to all the medical personnel continually. Suzanne is the one who signed our kids up for sports, made doctor’s appointments for them, and on and on. She’s the one that had to deal with the school board regarding homeschool paperwork. Not everything was a solo job, but much of it was. Moreover, Suzanne is the one who homeschooled our four children because we thought it was the best decision for our family. Furthermore, the fact that they all went to college, (except for the one who is presently in high school), is a tribute to Suzanne’s love, determination, perseverance, and commitment to our children. She has loved, nurtured, cared for, and kept us going in the right direction… and a hundred other things besides. 

I am not being disingenuous when I say I do not deserve her. But that’s what God’s grace is all about. It helps me sleep at night to know I have also contributed in positive ways to this marriage, but this post is not about honoring myself, but Suzanne. She has worked harder than anyone I know. She has been more thoughtful and considerate than anyone I know. She has gone the extra mile more often than anyone I know. And she has had to bear with a husband who lacks so many of the things she probably assumed she was getting when she married me.  

When we retire, (a phrase Suzanne and I use as a joke), I hope to pay Suzanne back with spontaneous vacations and fun trips, and a dozen other things that she has gone without because of whom she married. And I do not take her patience and endurance for granted.  Well, that’s probably not true. There are probably lots of times I do take them for granted. But in this moment of confession and clarity, I can tell you with judgment-day honesty, I am grateful for her, and I love her dearly. I pray these words will honor her. She deserves to be honored.  

My parents have been married for over 60 years. So have Suzanne’s! Both couples got married at an earlier age than I, when Suzanne and I married. Therefore, I’m going to have to be really healthy for us to make it to 60 years. But that should be more than enough of an incentive for me.  Yes, I want to be around for my kids. I want to be around to play with and spoil my grandchildren one day. I cannot wait to see how God works in and through the lives of my children. But I want to spend as many days as I possibly can with Suzanne. She still makes me laugh now, as hard as I did when we first started dating. She still gets onto me when I need it. She encourages me and builds me up and takes my side on things, even when she probably believes I should think twice about it. I wish I had the words to express how much I truly love and honor Suzanne. I do not feel this has done her justice. But Suzanne, if you’ve read this far, know that I love you with all my heart. Thank you for loving me. Happy Anniversary!

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