Cultivating Godly Character in a People-Pleasing World
Baxter's Directory
Dear fellow pilgrims on the path of discipleship,
I’m deeply grateful that you’ve chosen to join me as we explore this vital part of our Christian walk. Today, I want to dive into the challenging terrain that lies between the extremes of people-pleasing and being unpleasant. This journey will push us to examine our hearts, face uncomfortable truths, and draw closer to the heart of our Lord Jesus Christ. My prayer is that this reflection not only resonates with your spirit but also equips you with practical tools to grow in your faithful walk with Christ.
The Tightrope Walk of Christian Character
As followers of Christ, I often find myself wrestling with a perplexing question: How do we walk the narrow path between people-pleasing on one side and being indifferent or unpleasant on the other? This isn’t just an academic problem - it gets right to the heart of who we are in Christ and our calling to love God and love others.
On one hand, we’re tempted to become people-pleasers, sacrificing our integrity or even the truth of God’s Word to avoid conflict or seek approval. On the other hand, there’s the danger of becoming abrasive or indifferent to others, sometimes under the guise of “speaking the truth in love.”
I’ve seen how those who fall into either extreme often lack the self-awareness to recognize it. As I’ve often reflected, “Self-ignorance is the root of self-idolatry, self-conceit, self-love, self-will, and all the sins that reign in the ungodly.” This speaks to the profound lack of self-understanding that underpins both people-pleasing and harshness.
Understanding Our Fallen Nature
To fully grasp this issue, I first have to wrestle with the reality of my own fallen nature. Scripture teaches that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). This heart deceit can lead me to either of two extremes.
One way is through fear of rejection or desire for approval, pushing me to people-please. In trying to win others over, I can compromise my beliefs or hide my true thoughts - all in the name of peace. But this kind of behavior ultimately becomes a form of idolatry, placing others’ opinions above my devotion to God.
Both extremes - people-pleasing and harshness - reveal the brokenness in my heart and the need for Christ’s redemptive work. They stem from focusing on self rather than on God and his glory.
Illuminating the Path Between Extremes
As always, I must turn to God’s Word for guidance. The Scriptures offer a balanced perspective, urging me to honor God while also loving my neighbors.
Take people-pleasing, for example. Paul writes, “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). Proverbs 29:25 also warns, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” These verses remind me that my primary allegiance is to God.
But Scripture also consistently calls me to love others. Jesus tells us the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Paul exhorts, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). Here, I’m reminded that while I must speak truth, I must do so with kindness and gentleness.
The Key to Balance
The answer lies in seeking to please God above all. When I do that, the fruit of the Spirit naturally manifests - love, kindness, and gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). This God-centered approach enables me to care for others genuinely, without falling into people-pleasing.
It’s not through my effort alone that I achieve this balance; it’s the work of the Holy Spirit transforming my heart. As I grow in Christlikeness, I’m equipped to live out the virtues that honor both God and those around me.
Wisdom Through the Ages
From a theological standpoint, this issue is tied to sanctification - my growth in holiness as I am progressively conformed to the image of Christ. This transformation is by God’s grace, yet it requires my active participation. As the Westminster Shorter Catechism says, “Sanctification is the work of God’s free grace.” I’m enabled to “die unto sin and live unto righteousness,” which includes navigating my relationships in a Christlike manner.
Our call to reflect God’s character is tied to the truth that we are made in his image (imago Dei). Therefore, my interactions with others should always aim to mirror God’s love and grace.
Practical Steps for the Journey
Now, as I try to apply this in daily life, here are a few steps I find helpful:
1. Regular Self-Examination: I make time each day to reflect on my heart and ask God to reveal any tendency toward people-pleasing or harshness.
2. Scripture Meditation: Meditating on passages like Romans 8:31-39 reminds me of my identity in Christ and helps me find confidence in him rather than in others’ opinions.
3. Accountability: I seek out a trusted Christian friend or mentor who can provide honest feedback on my behavior, helping me see blind spots.
4. Assertiveness Practice: I work on expressing my thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, using “I” statements and learning to say “no” when needed.
5. Compassion: Cultivating compassion helps me balance truth and love, remembering that others are also on their own journey.
6. God-Centered Decision-Making: When faced with tough choices, I ask, “What would most honor God in this situation?”
7. Forgiveness: I practice forgiving others as Christ has forgiven me, letting go of bitterness that might lead to harshness.
8. Gratitude: Cultivating gratitude shifts my focus from people-pleasing to appreciating God’s blessings.
As I continue walking this tightrope, I trust in God’s grace to keep me balanced, living out both truth and love for his glory and the good of others. Let us press on together, always seeking his face, and trusting that his Spirit will guide us on this journey of sanctification.
In Christ’s love,
Rich Baxter
P.S. Remember, dear readers, that there are resources that come out weekly that do not go out via email. You can find more devotionals, Bible studies, and other resources by clicking here: Walking Points. I encourage you to explore these additional materials as they can provide valuable support and guidance in your spiritual journey.